The hardest part for me, about this whole global pandemic, has been being cut off from the Eucharist.
I have had such anger in my heart for Pope Francis and all of the bishops that have canceled Mass, canceled adoration...canceled God (my dramatic thought for ridiculous dramatic affect).
I think about the plagues that have occurred in history and how Mass still went on. I think about the faithful who attended Mass - knowing they could be risking their lives for the Sacrament - attending with a genuine desire for the one True Medicine.
And then I just get so pissed.
How dare these bishops cut us off from what our Catechism of the Catholic Church calls “the SOURCE and summit of the Christian life” ?! (All caps brought to you by my rage.)
And then I spend the rest of my day depressed, mad and heart-broken for the state of our Church.
...It’s too dangerous, we gotta social distance, it’s for the good of the people, they didn’t come to this decision lightly, this could kill us all.
But...where are the martyrs?! Where are the courageous?!
It’s been an ongoing conversation in my soul that is wreaking havoc in my spirit.
None of the videos, podcasts or articles defending these decisions bring any consolation.
Until, Divine Intimacy, #123 Supernatural Obedience.
If I had kept up my pre-corona prayer life I would have found this ray of hope last week in my daily prayer/meditation book, but I have let this virus infect my prayer life to the max.
So, today I read...
“...I obey because my superior represents God for me...Let us suppose that our superior is wrong and orders us to do something- either good in itself or indifferent- from a less upright motive. God always knows how to make use of him for the benefit of our soul; even his imperfect intentions are utilized by God to make us do what He wants of us. This is certain: God directs us by means of our superiors and they are not independent of Him. He used them as instruments which He employs at His pleasure. Hence we must have recourse to our superior with confidence, since through him we contact God, and we are obeying God when he obey him. Such obedience is entirely supernatural and places us in direct contact with the divine will.”
God’s own “calm yoself” smack down.
I had just told my husband yesterday about my problems with holy obedience when the instructions suck and are stupid.
Now I feel sucky and stupid. Thank you, God. Finally.
This was exactly what I needed to hear to deeply humble myself and be reminded of my place in this situation.
I am not the pope. I am not a bishop. I am not a priest.
I am an extremely judgmental person right now that needs to calm herself...and trust.
Look at all of the families that are tuning into EWTN for the first time ever, or turning on daily Mass, or praying rosaries and talking about God together. The domestic church is alive right now!
There IS beauty in this, dang it. I know it and I see it but I have been too angry and hurt to not let it all sink down in and heal.
The reality is that whether the decision to cancel Mass was right or wrong- it is what it is. We can not attended Mass right now because of the decision of our superiors. And if I trust that God is working through His Church, if I believe that the Holy Spirit is in charge, then I must submit.
But as the title of the prayer meditation goes, this is a Supernatural Obedience.
So God, this one’s up to you.
Please, Dear Lord, send me peace through obedience that only you can place in my soul. I trust in you. I trust in you. I trust in you. I love you. Amen.
Copyright Stephanie Stovall 2020