“We were made for greatness, not for comfort. Take a moment and really read those words. Think about your life and that thing God has been asking of you. That thing that keeps popping up in your heart… maybe mostly during your prayer time, or while at Mass or a bible study. Is it a hard thing He is asking you to do? Does it make you a little queasy? Faith is one foot on the ground, one foot in the air and a queasy feeling in the stomach Let’s go to our Blessed Mother at The Annunciation. I wonder, hours after that conversation, was she jumping up and down in excitement for what the angel had just told her? Did she rush to post on her Facebook status how pumped she was about the gigantic, life changing task ahead of her? We know she was humbled and ready to go. Didn’t matter what she wanted, she was on earth to do God’s will and God’s will alone. No matter how scary…or uncomfortable. These days us Christians are a bit nutty with our theology of how God works. Everyone wants to “feel good” about what God calls them to do. And, if suffering is a part of anything at all, well, it must not be God’s will for me! We are wrong. So, so wrong. God never promised us easy. Exactly the opposite was promised, actually. Yet, whenever we are discerning a potential call from Above, do our own feelings about it all cloud the Truth of what is being asked of us? I know I’m guilty of this. That’s a great idea God, but…I don’t have the money for it, that’s totally out of my comfort zone, I don’t have the time right now, I don’t have it in me but so and so- they would be great at it- call them!...and the list goes on and on. Now, what if there is potential danger within what you are being called to? Let’s say, for example, ohhhh…death. Well, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you decide to take that trip to Target? You need mascara, milk and maybe a new shirt (the kids have been awful lately, you deserve it). You could get in a wreck and die. Dramatic, yes, but true. Do you still decide to take that trip? Yup. Simply going to the scriptures we see time and time again God calling the simple to huge tasks. Tasks that got them in a lot of trouble and were no fun. But, these people that said yes, these Saints, knowing the negatives said yes anyway. They knew God didn’t put them on earth for warm fuzzies and lots a fun. He gave them a mission, and they were going to get it done no matter the cost. Jesus on Good Friday. Meant for greatness, not for comfort. So, at the end of this Lenten season, make it a goal to open your heart and mind a little more to that crazy thing God is calling you to do.
Your reward will be great and wide for that little “yes.” The reward of knowing you are working hand in hand with Jesus in this life is the greatest feeling of all. Let your “yes” to God bring you your warm and fuzzies. On Wednesday, you received the sign of the cross on your forehead in ashes, reminding you that you came from the dust and to the dust you will return. It’s a pretty sobering thought. I always think of Old Testament sackcloth and ashes kind of stuff. The penitent person, shouting to the world he’s wrong and he’s sorry by smearing dirt on his head and wearing an itchy shirt. I hope you’re not just now figuring out that I’m no biblical scholar. Well, I must admit that I did not go to Ash Wednesday Mass for the first time in years. I always went as a child, missed a few years when I thought I was too smart for God (another story for another day) and have relished in every Lenten fast and liturgy since finding my way back to the church. So, when exactly five of my five children were vomiting all over every surface in my house, I did something uncharacteristic and I sacrificed my place in church so that my husband could go. Now is where I really confess. I found it extremely difficult to skip Ash Wednesday mass. (Yes, I know it is not a holy day of obligation.) Mass would have meant a break from the sickness and I’ll take the holy smells of the Sacrifice of the Mass over the funky breath of my kids any day and especially on days they have emptied the contents of their stomachs all over the couch. More than needing a break, my pride was making it very difficult to make the decision. It went something like this (in my head of course), “I am a good catholic. There are people who think I’m a faithful person. Since I’m overweight, dress poorly and have greasy hair, it is important that I keep that good reputation intact. It’s all I have left!” And that is how I realized that I’d been wearing those ashes for many years like a badge of honor. Rather than the sackcloth and ashes that they mimic from the Old Testament, I was walking up the aisle ready to get my medal. Recognizing that disgusting pride, I offered to stay home and care for the sick kids. I deserved it. It was with a spirit of recognition of my sins that I entered into Lent and it was with that same spirit that I was truly able to hear God speaking in His Holy Word on the first Sunday of the Lenten season. The Lord God formed man out of the clay of the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and so man became a living being. God created us out of dirt. Out of nothing He made man and woman and without God in my life, I am nothing. Without God, life is meaningless. The only way for me to truly live is to ask Him to send his Spirit to breathe life into me. To ask Him daily to walk with me.
A few years ago, I was sitting in a hospital room (seems like a common theme with me) having a dialog with the Lord. Really, I was ranting. I was upset, I was tired and I was on the verge of despair, but not quite there. At that moment I was just angry. “Lord, why? Why us? Why me? We are doing your will!” I was like a crazed pre-teen ranting to her father over the injustice of it all. “You SAID it would be okay! This is NOT okay! We stopped contracepting! We are open to life! We followed our conscience to do your will and we were rewarded with Lily Gianna who died before we heard her heartbeat. We were devastated but comforted knowing she was in your arms. Then we waited in anguish to conceive again because the doctor said there was a chance of having cancer. I faithfully got my blood drawn each week and, yes, we cheated a little bit and began trying to conceive a tad earlier than the doctor would have liked, but we knew you were still in our corner and my numbers were perfect. I wasn’t even that upset about having gestational diabetes this time around. Spending several hours in the hospital getting an IV because I was dehydrated was tolerable, but now you’ve crossed the line, God. You’ve asked too much of me. You misled me.” I had spent the night in the ICU after what turned out to be life-saving surgery to unblock my kidney and stop the infection that was working to destroy my body. Both baby and I had survived the ordeal, but I was stuck in the hospital recuperating and concern had turned from me to the baby. The doctors thought the baby’s heartrate was dipping too low at times and I was under the threat of an emergency delivery. I was broken and tired of it all and I lashed out. I shouted at the Guy who loved me so much that He willingly suffered humiliation and torture. I was accusing Him of being a liar. I might as well have been in the crowd that day, yelling “Crucify him! Crucify him!” Such was my anger and disgust. Then I was silent. And in that silence, I felt His presence. I felt Him telling me that I was okay. I immediately did what any pregnant woman would do when she is a ball of nerves and confusion and has just done something really embarrassing. I began to laugh hysterically. “Okay God, you’re right. You said it would be okay. You didn’t say it would be easy.” Lord, help me to follow you in the midst of my suffering. Help me to say yes to your will, even when it is painful. My child, when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Set your heart right and be steadfast, and do not be impetuous in time of calamity. Cling to him and do not depart, so that your last days may be prosperous. Accept whatever befalls you, and in times of humiliation be patient. For gold is tested in the fire, and those found acceptable, in the furnace of humiliation. Trust in him, and he will help you; make your ways straight, and hope in him.
-Sirach 2:1-5 I’m all about reminders. I regularly make lists so I don’t forget important tasks. I put activities in my calendar app and set alarms to remind me of important events. I set the timer on my phone to remind me to pick up a child from somewhere or take the food out of the oven. I’ve forgotten to do both of those things before and let me tell you, burned rolls are no match for the mental anguish you feel when you realize your child has been at art class for nearly 45 minutes past pickup time and you were just hanging out with grandma, said child the farthest thing from your mind. And of course the sweet teacher is telling your child all the while that she’s sure her mom didn’t forget her, she probably just got stuck in traffic. No, darling, mom straight up forgot. Insert defeated emoji. If you’re anything like me, you need reminders of your faith in the everyday. I mean, if I could forget my own, living, breathing flesh and blood minor child, how am I going to remember to keep Christ, whom I can’t physically see, at the center of my life? I do that in my home with art and other sacramentals. A crucifix above the kitchen light switch helps me remember that Christ is the light of the world. A fresco of the Last Supper blessed by Saint John Paul II hangs in my dining room, reminding me of the Eucharist and Christ’s great sacrifice. Saint Joseph graces our mantel and to me is a great reminder of the dignity of work. All of these items are a call to prayer and a call to do the work of Christ.
I would like to share with you a little printable I made for my kitchen to remind me to call on the Holy Spirit throughout the day. Please head over to the FREEBIES page to download and print your own copy. I’m supposed to be writing, but I’m just standing in my office, surrounded by piles of stuff. Books, instead of being nestled snugly into place on the shelf lay haphazardly on the floor. Piles of papers that were once necessary action items are now ugly reminders that I’m behind on everything. An empty camera bag that I don’t need sits forlornly on top of a basket of cords and who knows what else. I usually avoid this space because it makes me uncomfortable. I sink into the swiveling office chair and slowly scan the room. All these items are shouting at me, telling me I’m not good enough. I’m lazy. I don’t deserve such a nice home or 90 square feet of space to call my own. I see rough mountains of junk and think to myself, “Don’t you want a nice tidy space? Don’t you want to be able to enjoy a project in there? Don't you want to pay a bill quickly without having to search for 10 minutes for a pen or to move piles just to find the space to write a check?” And my answer was classic. Yes, I want those things but I don’t have the time to work on it now. Yes, but I really don't know where many of these items go. Yes, but I don’t have the proper storage yet. Yes, but the kids will just mess it up as soon as I get it done. Yes, but before I start cleaning, I need to make a decision about how the room should look when I'm done. Yes, but I need a babysitter for a weekend to tackle a project like this. Yes, but I can’t get rid of those half empty packages of specialty paper because I might need them again. Yes, but I need to work on the laundry, it is more important right now. I really WOULD like a tidy office, so why do I put off the task of making it nice? I’m avoiding the cleanup because I’m avoiding CHANGE. I’m avoiding making decisions about what to keep and what to toss. I’m worried that it’ll be too hard to decide what to keep. And worst of all, what if I don’t like how I’ve arranged my shiny new space? This is exactly how I often respond to God when He calls me. When asked to create this space online I said yes, but I’m not good enough. Yes, Lord, I want to, but I can’t because I’m not equipped. Yes, but there are a million people in the world who can and are doing this very thing you want better than I ever could, why don’t you ask one of them? Yes, but not right now. Yes, but that sounds scary and hard and what if I fail? Yes, but I don’t like change so show me how you can keep my life exactly the same and still let me accomplish your will. Sound familiar? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told God yes, but… How many times have I locked myself into the upper room, like the disciples, scared to death of meeting some horrible or humiliating fate if I followed God’s plans? I’m in a lovely study group with some amazing moms from my parish. At a recent meeting we were asked how we experienced the Holy Spirit. Was it like the fire in the upper room? A rush of wind? Or a tiny breath? I responded, “The Holy Spirit usually just slaps me in the face repeatedly.” Only now, I realize I am the one doing the slapping. The Holy Spirit has gently breathed on me and I use the guilt I feel over my disobedience as a battering ram. He sends loving reminders in the form of kind friends saying just the right words and I beat myself up because I am still saying “Yes, but….” Instead of walking out of the room and soothing myself with some mindless social media scrolling I prayed. “Come Holy Spirit”
And guess what? He showed up. He provided. I stepped out of that muggy upper room and let the Holy Spirit do the talking and my fingers do the typing. How liberating it is when I don’t have to make all the decisions. I’ll probably fall. I’m still scared that I don’t have everything figured out. Growing is usually painful, but I can be confident that I won’t be alone and that he is leading me to a place that will be better than any I could have imagined on my own. Are you stuck in the upper room? Just ask for that little breath to guide you. Come Holy Spirit. |
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